Procrastination Truths

The end of the academic year is upon us, and with it, those savage winter morning lectures have been replaced by an equally merciless period of exams. Whether you have a hellish run of five exams crammed into three days, or find yourself incredibly lucky to have just one exam, at some point, you will revise. And it is then, at your most vulnerable, that the leechlike student affliction they call procrastination strikes. We’ve put together a collection of our favourite procrastination activities at UniHomes, and we’re sure you’ll be able to relate. Some of these might hit a little too close to home - the truth does hurt after all - but remember, acceptance is the first step to salvation! 

Aimless use of Facebook 

An absolute classic. There are two types of Facebook procrastinators. Type 1 is the scroller: this procrastinator desperately scrolls through newsfeed after newsfeed - hitting refresh all the way down - while they eagerly wait for something remotely exciting to pop up, and ease the pain of studying. Alas, people’s Facebook lives just aren’t that interesting. Type 2 is the cyberstalker: remember that girl from high school who you haven’t heard from in years? Or even that guy you dated in college? Well, what better time than now to click through eight years of their profile pictures?! If only degrees in social media snooping were a thing… 

Online shopping - the Internet burns holes in pockets

The lethal, more aggressive cousin of retail therapy: online shopping is just downright dangerous. The difference being that you have to actually leave your house to partake in a bit of traditional retail therapy; whereas, thanks to the Internet, a whole world of needless, money-spending diversions are at your fingertips. For example: that dress you have, do you need another in a different colour? Absolutely. Quick, add to cart and checkout!

Opting to revise for a later exam 

Now this one defies all logic, but plenty of us are guilty of it. Exam X is tomorrow morning, while exam Y is in three days; so in keeping with the dictionary definition of the word, ignore and delay the reality of tomorrow’s exam by revising for the next one instead - procrastination at its baffling finest. 

The pain of a first gym session in six months is still better than revision 

Even though the most prolific procrastinators may seem incredibly undisciplined, some of them actually adhere to a very strict internal code: it’s only acceptable to procrastinate if the alternative activity is productive enough to justify delaying the more pressing matters. And for some, digging out that dusty sportswear for a rare, gruelling workout is preferable to any revision-induced mental strain. Now lock those shorts away until next year! 

Eating for the sake of eating 

Alternatively, if the gym isn’t your procrastination of choice, there’s always junk food; and lots of it. A psychologist will tell you that fatty foods help your brain to release positive hormones, and while that’s scientifically accurate, it’s really just something to do, isn’t it? 

Mysteriously, communal cleaning becomes hugely important 

You’ve taken out the bins twice in six months. Your meals eaten to washing-up ratio is approximately 5:1. The milk that went out of date last month probably has a set of limbs by now, and the cloud of fruit flies engulfing the kitchen still hasn’t got to you. Until the time for revision comes, that is. When procrastination calls, the urge to pick up a sponge and take a sudden interest in cleaning is inescapable. Funny that… 

Impromptu nights out - procrastination by alcohol

On paper it’s a depressant, so alcohol procrastination is more revision suicide than it is counterproductive. Still, we’ve all received texts at 11pm begging us to go out. Ten minutes later, and we’re sat in the back of taxi attempting to pre-drink stealthily on a road full of potholes. Nightmare. Didn’t take much persuading, did it?

Whatever your procrastination poison, may we wish you a productive exam season!

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