Home Discomforts

It’s true what they say about university: work hard, play hard and make the most of it, because it really does only come around once. And when you do move back home, whether you’re a first year moving out of halls, or a second or third year leaving a shared house, it will definitely come as a shock to the system. Equally for the parents and siblings who had gotten used to you not being around, too.

But regardless of the fun, the hysterics, and the general chaos you’ve experienced during the academic year, moving home certainly won’t be all bad. The guarantee of a hot meal, peace & quiet, a clean environment, and perhaps above all else, some kind of normality away from an often disorderly student life. Still not convinced? Well, here’s a reminder of some of the things you won’t miss about living in a shared student house… 

A pile of washing up large enough to populate a landfill 

Okay, an obvious one to start with, but a messy kitchen cluttered with dirty cutlery and crockery really does make life more difficult. And if acquiring a clean side plate for the express purpose of buttering a piece of toast becomes more of a military operation than an everyday task, your shared kitchen is likely to look a bit like the image shown below. It gets worse too: don’t forget those times where you attempted to wash up only to discover a sink full of filthy plates, and a plughole clogged up with the pasta your housemate had almost a week ago. Nope, not for us, thanks. 

When passive aggressive notes become the main form of communication 

You might care for your housemates dearly, but lock even the closest friends in a house together for long enough, and eventually they’ll get on each other’s nerves. And when tensions are high, even ‘borrowing’ a slice of bread or a few eggs can be the catalysts that set off passive aggressive shockwaves through any student household; often manifesting themselves in the form of anonymous, spitefully crafted notes. Can’t we all just get along? 

A bath mat that looks and smells like week-old roadkill 

The only thing worse than a dirty kitchen? Probably a dirty bathroom. After all, it’s the one place where - having had a bath or shower - you don’t want to feel like bacteria or general uncleanliness is clinging to your skin. If that’s the case, you might want to step on a fresh towel, or even the bathroom lino, when stepping out of the shower - as long as it isn’t the shared house bathmat, a filthy fixture in nearly every student home. Constantly wet, never dry. Absorbs germs from five different pairs of feet pre and post shower. Rarely machine washed. Beware - we reckon these things are more bacteria-ridden than most wild animals. 

Utility bills appearing on the doormat every other day 

This really isn’t a UniHomes plug. Honest. Though it is one of the main causes of tension in any student household, and stress that you would rather do without. Assigning each member of the house a certain bill rarely works, as one bill is bound to be more or less expensive than another, thus causing arguments as to why someone is paying more or less for a utility that everyone uses. And should someone miss a payment, that’s when lateness charges begin to appear. The whole system is a house of cards. Good riddance, we say. 

The Leaning Tower of Pizza 

Essentially a game of Jenga in your kitchen, but with empty boxes, packaging and food debris piled four-foot high. Maybe one of the most infuriating things about living in a shared student house. And once the floodgates open, it turns into an absolute free-for-all. All it takes is one individual to raise the level of rubbish an inch higher than the top of the bin, and everyone loses their minds. Within hours, pizza boxes, milk cartons, bread crusts and beer bottles are teetering over the edge like the Leaning Tower of Pisa; while the floor has turned into a minefield of used teabags. This would never happen at home.

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